Love this term.
And I can’t say it was a brilliant flash of my wisdom that created it. Nope. It was a brilliant flash of wisdom that a young woman said in a recent workshop I held for a group at the local University here in town.
Time and again, I get so excited when a young person offers some form of brilliance; since it reinforces to me; regardless of age, we ALL have something to offer the world. Younger people have much sense, wisdom and knowledge of today to offer those who are older. Older peeps have the wisdom and experience to offer what life has taught them.
Which is why I love to work with all ages. However, I’m especially focussing on the young woman with an upcoming program so stay tuned. I’m lucky enough to call many 20-something’s friend (orrrrrr maybe they’re just saying that??!!) and we have many-a-life-discussion. We always come away having gained something from each other’s perspective.
So, I digress; back to this real and fake self love thing. How it was put to me was this:
(btw: We all know what a HUGE promoter of self love I am. Not the light’n’fluffy stuff; the REAL self love that we show in our every day by how we move, speak (of ourselves), speak up, create boundaries, lead healthy lifestyles – even how we dress shows how highly we think of ourselves. So when the young woman mentioned this, I just knew it was blog-worthy! (and I hope she’s reading this to see that she had such an impact)).
Fake Self Love:
Have the jammies on at the end of the day.
Studying hard (not the fake part at all!)
Need a break or a workout – perhaps some flexibility to help the mind since, yet you look in the fridge and come up with the thought that (her example): it would make you feel soooooo scrumptiously (my word) good to stay in; stay curled up on the couch after making the entire batch of chocolate chip cookies and eating them.
Only then: you feel crappy after; full, uncomfortable – which in turn leads you to feeling guilty and not thinking positive thoughts about yourself.
Well, here’s Real Self Love:
Deciding that perhaps the cookies aren’t such a great idea and instead you’ll take a meditation break; grab a healthy snack; maybe run up and down the stairs a few times and do something where you’re moving in between the studies; or do some stretching; perhaps you read a short chapter of your latest book or listen to a positive, informative podcast. Or you turn on the tunes and dance! It can be whatever you wish: but you do something positive/ healthy instead of the former.
End result here? You have no regrets about your decision. You have no wishes that you’d done something else. You don’t pick yourself to pieces; you CELEBRATE you.
Sometimes when we make the decisions we do that aren’t necessarily in our best interest, they are “feel-good” things; but making batches of cookies or eating vanilla cake batter (did I say that??!!) will always lead us to feeling sorry we made them. A moment of yumminess for an evening or more of feeling regretful.
So….perhaps you don’t quite get the same yumminess; but you can feel nothing but proud for yourself. Which leads to feeling inspired. That turns into doing more right decisions….and so it continues.
Where do you normally land? Real – or Fake? Be honest with you – and see if there’s anything you can do to lean more toward the real. Sometimes real is harder: more effort, less comfy foods, more healthy choices, better boundaries created…..but you’re showing yourself such REAL SELF LOVE at the end of the day when you make choices that help your health and happiness.
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