I’ve spoken to women of many ages, many stages – in life and business. Top Execs and Students…seems this confidence “thing” creeps in to many, no matter where we are in life and to any parts of life; body image, life-balance, work, health.
I could stand here all day (or…more to the point, sit here, under my blanket, fire blazing and chihuahua-golden (don’t ask) snoring next to me) and tout how you “can feel confident. Should feel confident. Just do it” as they say.
But it’s not a tap to be turned on and off.
Oh wouldn’t that be wonderful if it were that easy!
But, my sparkly friend….there is hope!
So often when we are lacking confidence….we are lacking faith in ourselves. We are really listening to that voice in our head telling us all the things we are bad at; have failed at; could never do. Am I right? Well…I’m going to offer two thoughts on how you can BEGIN the process of kicking these confidence drainers to the curb:
When we are lacking confidence; feeling less than we truly are, and heading in that downward spiral or “what do I have to offer” or, “how will I ever hit my health goals?” – or whatever your confidence challenges are….your energy is all about YOU. You are looking at only you. One easy thing to do right out of the gate is to:
Stop and Switch.
So often we think we don’t have anything to offer anyone; but we have that lens fully on us. That spotlight on the stage is stuck on ourselves. Time to move it around. Confidence really is like a muscle and the more we use it, train it…the stronger it becomes. The more positivity, self love, self efficacy, etc become second nature behaviours.
So take the focus off you and put on someone or something else. There IS someone out there who would benefit from you, your wisdom, your knowledge, your help. Who? It’s so easy to underestimate what we have to offer. It’s so easy to listen to “that” voice tell us we are worthless. It’s so easy to curl up into a ball of mush as we listen to it.
But it’s wrong! And by putting yourself in front of other people and showing them what you have to offer (be it support, advice, wisdom, abilities) allows you to reinforce within that you are SO MUCH more than you are giving yourself credit for.
Alternatively, when realizing your confidence is being deflated by that “voice” – physically switch your focus to something else; a new activity of any kind. Force yourself to do this every time….and you’ll be making new “inroads” in your subconscious that cover up the old negative tracks and redirect you to the land of confidence.
I mean it. We ALL have that voice that kicks in here and there telling us what we are NOT. It’s not about trying to get rid of this voice. Sometimes it actually kicks us into high gear to prove that we ARE. We can try to ignore it. We can try to hope it’ll go away…but let’s do this instead:
Embrace and acknowledge it.
Yup. You read that right. Once you’ve stopped for a second…..take a step back from it. “View” it as if you are viewing a movie trailer. I mean this friends, it works! Separate yourself from it. Treat it as a “thing”. A separate thing to you. Would you honestly accept these thoughts in words from friends? supporters? cheerleaders of you?
No you wouldn’t. So it’s time to not accept the inner voice in your head lowering your confidence. Once you have acknowledged it, taken that step back….let it go. See it for what it is and tell it to move on. Mindfulness, being in the moment and being on top of your thoughts is SO crucial to mindset in general – you can steer your mind in any direction YOU choose; good or bad; negative or positive. You truly are the driver of this car. Just need to take the steering wheel back.
I had an awesome conversation with my bestie once; who is one of the wisest women I know; very real and yet will put my perspective back on track in such clever ways. I’ll never forget her comment and it was a game changer for me. I was going through a very hard time where my confidence was shot and I was dwelling on all I was terrible at. WHO would want to work with me? WHO would want to hire me as a speaker? WHAT do I know anyway? I told her that when I had these thoughts, I figured people were thinking I’d be a fraud. They’d see right through me. They’d wonder what the heck I knew about anything. Her response, that I recall to this day and was absolutely brilliant was this;
“How wonderful that you’ve done all their thinking for them!”.
This blew my mind. Literally blew my mind. Yes! I was thinking people were thinking all these things about me; or potentially could…..but I was absolutely thinking for THEM and not for ME! How did I know what anyone was thinking? Everyone else is so wrapped up in their own lives to give me and my abilities a second thought. Why didn’t I realize that before now?
This comment literally was a game-changer for me; I hope it helps you…
Lastly: Years ago, I started viewing it as a “thing”…a separate entity. As something that was, yet wasn’t me. Wasn’t attached to me. Life literally changed in brilliant ways the day I did that. That led to anxiety being kicked to the curb. Eventually I applied this to stress (took a while!) but was so worth it.
Once you’ve got this ability hammered down…you can apply it to anything. But know this about confidence:
- You are so much more than you tell yourself.
- Other people admire you in ways you’ll probably never give yourself credit for.
- You have SO much to offer the world.
- It CAN be overcome….you CAN gain it more. It’s NEVER too late.
One step in front the other my friend…one sparkly step!