So. Here’s the thing. I recently was on a trip – and I made a HUGE decision. One which to me was what seemed like an epiphany. I thought I’d share.

I’m all about helping others with self-confidence, self-love, positive body image. If I can help one more woman, child, person, feel better about them-self I’ve had a GREAT day at work (which isn’t really work to me, since I so LOVE what I do.

I love how I feel, I (most days) feel confident, walk out my door feeling like I’ve got the day and smile, smile, smile. So I’m good. Sort of. This trip was the same as usual as far as fun, happiness, excitement was concerned. But I came to realize one thing that seemed to be a thread through every trip I’ve ever been on since I can remember (or….since I was wearing a bikini). I love getting dressed up for dinner. For anything. I’m a sparkly, little-girl princess at heart. I mean, if I were FORCED to wear a tiara and stunning gowns daily, I so could adapt to that. Having said that…what I noticed was this. I felt GREAT on my trip all the time; loved how I felt when working out, loved how I felt when dressed in my favourite clothes.  But….not so great:

When I was wearing my bikini.

I became this self-conscious woman who didn’t want to head to the pool, who sat with my bikini cover strategically over my upper legs/ abdomen when “reading” by the pool.  Now granted. I wasn’t well on this trip and I find when my urticaria (hives on steroids: on steroids) rears it’s ugly head, that my self confidence plummets. I try all I can do (I’m a super positive gal and all about positive thinking…but sometimes this debilitating “thing” gets the better of this gal), but alas….it takes a hit for a bit. But this wasn’t all about me being under the weather. I began to be very aware of how I felt and was questioning this – in a very logical; let’s get to the bottom of this type of way.

I was also watching other women and how they held themselves and was horrified to see this: I think I was the only one suffering from bikini-self-consciousness! There were women of all shapes and sizes on this trip….all seemed to be sauntering by me with not a care in the world. Why was I feeling this way?

It came to me when I returned home.

We returned. I got back to my typical routine – which didn’t involve me wearing a bikini (I don’t think those having business meetings with me would appreciate me wearing one…can you imagine?). What I found was really something: I FELT GREAT! I felt awesome! I felt confident and had not a care in the world about how I looked. It wasn’t about that; it was about the good I’m doing out there, which makes me sing – and I was back to my “couldn’t care less” what anyone else thinks about how I look: I LOVE ME and I feel great!

So what was the difference here?  That darned bikini.

When I look back at any trip I’ve been on it’s been the same thing: go through life happy as a pig in mud.  Things seem to change as soon as I put on that bikini. I’ve had one-pieces, I’ve had tankinis. I’ve felt awesome. Not so much with the bikini.

So I came to this conclusion. Yes. I’m all about creating an environment for ourselves of self love and positive body image. I’m all for helping as many women and girls as I can out there. But at the same time, if we are honest, we all have our “things” which cause a tiny bit of anxst here and there. We can do all we can to figure it out, beat it, overcome it. But maybe, just maybe, sometimes we have to figure out a way “around” it too.  I have come to realize I don’t feel good in my bikini. EVER. So….I’ve decided to do something about this. I work out like a fiend, I eat well, have a positive outlook…but if this one thing is causing something I’m not happy about, change it or do something about it.

I’m doing something about it.  Have decided to get rid of the bikini. If it causes me such lack of joy. Why do it? For pride? To still be wearing one in my forties? Pfft. Nope. I’ve decided it’s time to wear something that makes me FEEL as awesome as usual; that causes me happiness and doesn’t have me focussed on anything but what fun I’m having.

Clothes are so important (I mean, other than the obvious that they cover us up lol!) and to me can make or break how you feel. Wear something that’s a bit snug and you don’t feel great. Sometimes we try to wear clothes that we got into years ago (or is this just me, friends?!) but we don’t fit in them and ultimately feel blah.  Yet we have other outfits that we walk out that door with the strut of a catwalk model! So why not stick to what makes us FEEL great?

I’m now very aware of how I feel. I went through my closet and got rid (and to think…all of this began with a bikini….) of clothes that no longer work for me. We change over time in mind and shape! Why not work with that? All my clothes I love, they fit perfectly, and I feel wonderful in them.  And that’s great!

So. bikini is going…..tankini or one-piece here I come and I just don’t care. I could try and try to feel great in a two-piece, but I just don’t. So our relationship is over and I’m moving on!

What to take from this? Do things that make you feel GREAT, wear things that make you feel GREAT. Create a positive, happy, confident life for yourself – and you’ll never look back.

** Coach Carolyn 🙂

Hey! I’m a speaker to this topic and much more as well as being a Women’s Health, Wellness and Confidence Coach. Have a group you’d like me to present at or offer a workshop for? Click here and let’s talk!